Real Housewives of Atlanta: Let’s talk about sex

By Brigette Flood and Sandy M. Tyler

This week’s episode opens with Kim showcasing her infinite wisdom on Kandi Coated Nights. Sweet Kandi has been hiding this new saucy Kandi, who hosts a webcast featuring sex, sex . . . and more sex. She describes her show as part Dr. Ruth and Sue Johanson, mixed with Howard Stern and The View. Love Kandi. Hate the sound of a mix like that? We’ll have to do some due diligence research for you, good audience. Stay tuned because for a practitioner of celibacy, Kandi sure does have a lot to say about s-e-x.

Saucy Kandi invites Kim on the show and then reveals the webisode’s topic: cheating. And just like that, the irony begins. Kim defends her relationship with Big Poppa yet again by highlighting he’s only married “on paper.” Can you be married any other way – like by tattoo or through skywriting or via Facebook? Of course, Kim thinks she’s not cheating since she’s not married.  Her circular reasoning goes round and round… The smartest thing is to put Kim in the middle so you can watch her run laps.

Shereé goes to dinner at the Love Doctor’s friend’s apartment and complains about the manual labor involved in cutting a few strawberries to help with the meal. (Why do none of these ladies cook?!) This entire dinner episode reminds us of why we love Shereé.  She does not suffer fools, nor does she lick cookie dough off of the fingers of virtual strangers.  She was exceptionally polite about a less than five-star meal of spaghetti and broccoli and the aggressive come-ons. Even someone who believes his own hype as much as Tiy-E Muhammad does should have known to kick it up a notch, especially if he wants any play from Shereé.  Looks like Tiy-E needs a trainer, a chef, and uh, a house of his own.  It’s obvious, the whole reason Shereé is having anything to do with this guy is the need for a storyline this season. Maybe she’ll win her Oscar after-all.

Cynthia and NeNe spent some time together and even went bra shopping in celebration of NeNe’s recent surgery.  Everyone seems pretty down with NeNe’s nose job even though she didn’t give them any advanced warning and doesn’t seem to want to talk about it.  If a little plastic surgery makes you confident enough to pose in your underware in the middle of Phipps Plaza, that’s great. It’s nice to see all the ladies being supportive of Nene, as she’s obviously going through trying times with her marriage. Right before she utters the D-word for the first time, she says, “I don’t think that people break up over one thing. They break up over a number of things that have caused them to get to a breaking point, and I’m at my breaking point. I’m really thinking about a divorce.”  The D-word’s been used, and for once with NeNe, we don’t mean diva.

By the way, did anyone else notice Cynthia almost bring the PAIN with champagne when she tried to open a bottle of the bubbly with a corkscrew? Models aren’t known for their brains, but we thought they were known to party … Guess we’re wrong.  At least NeNe knew to protect her new nose.

Cynthia throws a lovely Mother’s Day brunch for her cast mates and their children at her house.  Everyone seemed to be on their best behavior with the usual exception, Phaedra.  Her insults start the moment she walks in the door when she says that Cynthia lives in a “regentrification zone,” an area where they tried to make the hood look like the suburbs.  Oh, no.  She.  Didn’t.  Not to give too much away about Cynthia’s Intown location, but she resides in an exclusive, planned community in one of the hippest parts of Atlanta, very near both of the writers of this blog and the Atlanta INtown offices.  None of us would live anywhere else and certainly not in Vinings.  It’s too bougie.

At the Mother’s Day brunch, Phaedra also gets cagey about her baby’s due date.  The ladies are right: no doctor would deliver a baby six weeks early unless there was an emergency.  Phaedra’s story about how far along her pregnancy is would never hold up in a court of law. Why is the gossip about Phaedra getting pregnant before she was married to Apollo so delicious?  Getting pregnant and even giving birth prior to your wedding isn’t really such a big deal these days, but Phaedra’s story gets it’s delicious taste from the glass house she lives in. With all of her holier than thou trash talk about everyone she comes into contact with, she deserves what she gets.  We saw her with the pickles and heard what she does with powdered sugar, so the innocence act is wearing particularly thin this week.

We have to admit, even though we’ve done our share of girl talk, we certainly learned some . . . ahem . . . tips and terms in this week’s episode that were shocking. When the girl-talk shocks NeNe, you know you better watch what happens. At least now we have an idea of what to do with our leftover Halloween candy.

Next week, Real Housewives of Atlanta moves to Sundays at 10:00pm, so start your week out right and join us for our recap on Monday, Nov. 8.