Real Housewives of Atlanta: Special Delivery

By Brigette Flood and Sandy M. Tyler

Seriously Bravo, Sunday night?  Isn’t Sunday the night for bad TV dramas and dozing on the couch? Or, even reading? (What a funny thought.) Not that this is all about us, but as bloggers we can’t really properly enjoy our cocktails at 10 p.m. on Sunday; it’s practically Monday morning by then. At least Atlanta’s housewives generated enough drama to keep us tuned in.

The episode opens in Kandi’s studio. She’s decided she wants to work with an openly gay male singer and thinks Lawrence, Shereé’s hair-stylist, could be the next RuPaul.  Hmmmmm . . . couldn’t it be argued that the next RuPaul would be Kim?  Big blonde wigs, lots of make-up, the need for filtered lighting?  Of course, RuPaul can sing and engage her audience, so maybe Kim isn’t there yet.

Kandi and Kim then meet to discuss Kim’s potential new single – The Ring Didn’t Mean a Thing.  Anyone else get the irony of the title AND the hilarity of Kandi writing a song so far out of Kim’s range?  Kim certainly sings in the key of life . . . as in wildlife . . . as in sounds only dogs should hear.  Seriously, did Kandi do this on purpose to show Kim how badly she needs vocal training? Kim’s few minutes in the recording booth were laugh-out-loud hilarious, so kudos no matter what the motivation.

It remains amazing how easy Kim thinks having a real musical career should be. She knows she’s out of her comfort zone with Kandi’s latest song, but she’d rather insult Kandi and the song than put forth any real effort.  At least Kandi stands up for herself this time.  Maybe Kim should have Googled “past Grammy winners” before she picked her follow-up track.

A former member of the original Destiny’s Child, Latavia Roberson, meets with Phaedra to discuss her troubled past and how to stage a comeback.  Latavia’s story seems to touch Phaedra, but Phaedra’s also quick to point out that she’s always willing to help her clients because when her clients make money, she makes money.  After all, someone’s got to pay for the tissues at the client meetings.

Not much happened with Shereé this week, but we will say this: Hotel. Motel. Holiday Inn. If your man don’t have no cash, then you date his friend.

Kim really unloads this week. Her stuff, that is. From four storage bins, she pulls out “about $100,000” worth of items to sell. Who doesn’t like bargains? Thrift shopping, yard sales, ebay and craigslist rule, but selling your stuff in a parking lot sale is not a yard sale. Not a garage sale. Not an estate sale. And the bargain part is supposed to come from the price break, not the low rent circumstances in which you peddle your wares. Kim doesn’t get this – she’s too busy drinking wine out of her coffee cup at 9am and then hanging out with the other housewives – but fortunately her Dad Joe does.

Working the lot like a used car salesman on the last day of the year, Joe wheels, deals and impressively sells over $10K worth of Kim’s stuff. That plus the storage unit savings should keep the lease paid on Kim’s Bentley for another month or two. Ahem, what parking lot lets you take it over to sell your personal things? Maybe Big Poppa’s?

When some of the ladies visiting Kim’s sale go inside a burger place to take a break from the heat, the discussion turns to Phaedra’s impending delivery and her ever-shifting due date.  None of the ladies are buying Phaedra’s story about when her baby is due . . . even Kim can do the math on this one.  Phaedra even claims that baby Apollo came three months early and weighed a healthy 9 pounds.  Being a lawyer, Phaedra should know something about malpractice, which is what her mouth does every time she talks about her due date. For now, these Gods must be crazy.

The ring does seem to mean a thing to Cynthia and Peter, who move closer to committing to marriage.  Even Cynthia’s ex-fiancée, Leon who is also the father of her daughter, points out how special a serious, real-life commitment can be, and it seems to influence Cynthia. Too bad these tender moments are followed up with a visit to the NeNe and Gregg marital battle-zone.  We’ve all been there with our friends at one time or another, and it’s no less uncomfortable to watch on TV.   There’s a lot of hurt under all of this, and NeNe’s accusations that Gregg has cheated don’t really come as a surprise.  However, here’s a Hosting 101 Tip:  Don’t drink and throw shade in front of company.  It’s just words, but things can still get broken.