A little over an hour into “Madame Web,” Cassie Webb (Dakota Johnson) finds herself in a Peruvian cave with one of the many Spider-People (or Las Arañas) who roam the Amazon in the universe of the film. This particular Spider-Man, Santiago (José María Yazpik), is tasked with facilitating a fairly sizable exposition dump, filling Cassie in on her late mother’s research into the healing power of spider venom – the research that led Cassie back to Peru in the first place – and hinting at the potential power that Cassie may have locked away inside of her.
If you haven’t yet seen the movie, the above might seem like a bit of a convoluted place to start. But the more I thought about it while sitting down to write this, it became clear that this is really the only place to start. You see, a ways into this conversation, Santiago delivers a variation of the core tenet of the “Spider-Man” universe, telling Cassie that when one takes on great responsibility, great power will follow.
For people of a certain age (including myself), this line should be a slam dunk. “With great power comes great responsibility” might be the most famous line in all of comics, and as connected with Uncle Ben’s death as it is, the mere mention of it carries undeniable weight. To Yazpik’s credit, he delivers the line with about as much gravitas as a pseudo Uncle Ben (who the audience has little to no connection with at this point in the film) could muster. But when the movie cuts to Dakota Johnson, it’s not sadness, or awe, or warmth that’s pooling in her eyes. It’s straight up annoyance.
For as hard as she might be trying to hide it, Johnson’s seeming frustration is one of the only constants to be found throughout “Madame Web” – and I must say, I can’t really blame her. From its uneven pacing, to its teeth-grindingly poor dialogue, “Madame Web” feels like a thin parody of a superhero movie at best, a complete disaster at worst – which is unfortunate, given that the story at its core could have been something great.
When we first meet Cassie Webb, she’s a paramedic living in New York City in 2003. Her mother died in childbirth while on the aforementioned research trip to Peru, something that has caused Cassie to grow up lonely and disdainful over what she perceives as her mother’s carelessness with her pregnancy. Because of that pain, she mostly keeps to herself – but after a near-death experience, Cassie is suddenly able to see the future, tapping into a source of power that’s been with her since birth. That ability inadvertently ties her to three teenage girls – Julia (Sydney Sweeney), Mattie (Celeste O’Connor) and Anya (Isabela Merced) – with great power in their future. Great power that someone from Cassie’s past is dead set on destroying.
At its core, the story of a young woman who feels abandoned by her mother taking on the role of protector in the lives of three teenage girls has emotional resonance. But from the moment “Madame Web” begins, all of its emotional beats are handled without an ounce of real pathos, every filmmaking choice nothing short of bizarre.
The movie kicks off with Cassie’s mother’s death at the hands of the film’s villain, Ezekiel Sims (the French actor Tahar Rahim, who unfortunately appears to have been poorly ADR’d within an inch of his life). But, while the act of shooting a woman who is nine months pregnant should be horrifying, the way the sequence is filmed feels off-puttingly humorous, almost like an episode of “The Office” – reaction shots included. In contrast, the film’s actual jokes fall almost impossibly flat.
If the film doesn’t take its emotional beats seriously, how can the actor be expected to? On paper, Johnson feels like the right actor to make this character work – she’s got the dry wit and edginess, but she also has a sort of damaged vulnerability lurking underneath that wall. But from scene to scene, from quip to quip, “Madame Web” seems to have no interest in exploring Johnson’s particular sense of humor or darker side. Even when Cassie’s “abrasiveness” is on display, her dialogue and what little character moments she has are painfully literal and stilted. The actors playing the teenagers don’t fare much better, but Johnson seems to be the most aware of just how much her talent is wasted here.
Inadvertently, by seeming so clearly frustrated with what she’s being asked to do, Johnson provides the only comfort “Madame Web” can give, her face reflecting the audience’s own irritation right back at them.