Real Housewives of Atlanta: White hot? We think not.

By Brigette Flood and Sandy M. Tyler

This week’s main focus was Kim’s invitation to perform at her biggest venue to date. The White Party in Palm Springs was big and gay and really white and Kandi was kind enough to go along for the ride, as Kim’s safety net and coach. You’ve got to hand it to Kandi, not one eye roll the whole episode. How does she do it?

OMG. Kim not only arrives unprepared to perform at the 10,000 strong all-gay gathering, the outfit they provide her to wear is equally unprepared to host her . . . breasts. It takes an entire rack of clothes before she decides to wear exactly the least appropriate one. Shortest, tightest and yes, real ATL Housewivesiest. Kim, honey, no matter how short your skirt is and no matter how many wardrobe malfunctions occur, none of those men are going to sleep with you. Only one of them is considering it, and he thinks you used to be a man. P.S. Chi Chi LaRue, the drag queen who introduced you, had an easier time of keeping everything tucked into place.

Kim’s performances are like watching Britney Spears on her worst day. It would all be a lot less unsettling if Kim was in on the joke, but it never ceases to amaze us that she isn’t yet. And no matter how hard she tries, she still can’t find the right key to sing in, or keep up with her background track. Shouldn’t she be able to sing her one and only “hit” live by now?

Of course, practice makes perfect and work isn’t really our girl’s forte’, is it? It’s more about doing something on the fly with as many body parts hanging out as possible. It’s a good thing that gay men love a Barbie-Doll, not to mention a wig-wearing drag queen. Luckily, Kandi was there to save her performance yet again.

Speaking of Auto-Tune, too bad there’s not something similar for fashion design.

Shereé got together with Dwight and his publicist to discuss Dwight’s claims he spent $30,000 on last season’s She by Shereé fashion show. (Duly noted that Glenn Bean, Dwight’s publicist, has released an accounting to the media of where Dwight spent his money and how he invested his time.) However things went down with the money, one thing is clear: Dwight is in desperate need of some solid financial advice. If he’s got $30,000 to invest in a fashion line whose first show featured no clothes, we’ve got a bridge available for sale. Seriously, we could make more money for him setting up a spiked lemonade stand near where Kim and Sweetie work out.

Not much noteworthy from NeNe this week. She continues to showcase her mothering side and even adds a new duckling to her family: Playa. He’s less of a Playa and more of a Yorkie. NeNe says, it’s a “real” name. We say, it’s a “Real housewives of Atlanta” name. Don’t hate the Playa, hate the show. NeNe gives her youngest son, Brentt, some “real” talk akin to how she had her come-to-mama-chat with Brice last week. The mama in her is proving to be one of the most real things we’ve seen on the show. Kudos.

Back on Mount Olympus, Phaedra and Apollo hosted the Oracles with a feast befitting a goddess. We’re beginning to understand the Apollo/Phaedra union, at least on Phaedra’s part because this guy is a real sweetie. He might be a convict, but she is criminally insensitive. Apollo talks about the pleasures of simple things . . . she talks about knocking the teeth out of her future child’s mouth. Maybe coming from culturally different households is going to create some real–life Clash of the Titans moments when it comes to child rearing. We hope he’s strong enough to stick it out. But seriously, who fries up breakfast in lingerie?

Cynthia Bailey and her sister had a lengthy discussion about Cynthia’s many engagements and fears about marrying her boyfriend Peter. We know that Cynthia’s marital status is her main story line this season, so hopefully she’ll do more to pique our interest soon. She’ll need more than a pretty face to keep up with the other ladies.