There is something so creepy about the Housewives’ season finale. Where do we even begin? The show seemed to be about love, lust, romance and good looks, but then it was mostly about nothing at all. It’s a perfect finale for this season in that way: starts out with promise and ends in long, drawn out disappointment.
So what’s creepy, you wonder? Well, Kim and Kroy are the real thing, so we’re cool with their shenanigans. At least they’re believable. They have to be; Bravo’s got their spin off show up next. But we found watching Kandi and the ladies eyeball men for the sex toy party, observing NeNe and John Kolaj’s lack of chemistry, The Bailey Agency’s model call and the actual Bedroom Kandi launch event to all be a little … creepily awkward. And yet, still boring.
John and NeNe had yet another awkward lunch this week, this time in Atlanta, where he showers her with gifts and attempts to woo her with sentiments taken from a bad romance novel he must travel around with. He was in so many pieces and she was the glue that fixed him piece by perspiring piece . . . She makes every day like Christmas to him . . . speaking of Christmas, here is a Rolex watch. It’s timeless – and hopefully sweat-proof. If you wind it up, it will last forever. All of this is just too much for NeNe, who wants to be single and fancy-free. Honestly, NeNe has more sexual chemistry with Kim Zolciak than with her pizza-chain owning “boyfriend.” The rumor has always been that this romance is part of a business deal and nothing else, and NeNe and John’s insincere on-camera exchanges prove it.
Kim takes Kroy and her engagement ring to yet another suburban restaurant in the area that features an enormous bread-basket. (We have to admit, we kind of love that about Kim.) This time, it’s to celebrate Kroy’s 26th Birthday. Kim tells Kroy that no one would have left the situation she had with Big Poppa – we can think of at least two people who would have – unless they found the perfect guy for them, like she did with Kroy. We have to agree that somehow, Kim did wind up with her perfect man. We even believe that she paid for the Porsche she bought him – 4-door family style! – with her own money. Perhaps she was able to buy the car after selling the other big ring, the one that didn’t mean a thing.
All of the Housewives make it to Kandi’s launch party, even Kim, though not all of them seem excited to be there. And by that, we mean The Talls. NeNe, Marlo and Cynthia mostly keep to themselves, while NeNe complains loudly about having to mix with the “Twitter people” because Kandi, knowing better than to invite only cast members expecting freebies, tweeted about the event and invited her fans. NeNe, who has cultivated close to 700,000 Twitter followers herself, loves to act like she’s above it all – the fans, the toys, the men, the free massages and the promotion of another cast member’s latest business venture in “ding-a-ling-land.” For all of her demure put-ons, no one has forgotten that NeNe once made her living by stripping, and although it’s not exactly the same thing, we’ll let you enjoy the irony.
The two-part reunion special begins next Sunday and looks like a full on screaming match between the ladies, so this might be more interesting than the actual season itself.