Real Housewives of Atlanta: Kim’s last bite?

By Sandy M. Tyler

Last night’s show began with one of Kim’s favorite pastimes – eatin’ (There is no “g” at the end because it was fried in dough, and she ate it). Seriously, does this family ever consume fruits or vegetables? And I don’t mean those that are stuffed in a pie or fried. Maybe Sweetie has a sister or a cousin they can hire as a cook?

At least Brielle and Arianna seem happy to be back at the townhouse with their old friends and their old pizza joint. They take advantage of their special mother-daughter time to advise Kim that a wonderful thing called birth control (created by God, no less) may be a good way to prevent any more unplanned pregnancies, proving once again why these two have always been my favorites. At least Kim’s fertility and ability to eat nothing but chicken nuggets and things covered in cheese without exploding does prove that she has to be younger than she looks.

Phaedra & Apollo & Kenya & Walter got together for a double date, so Bravo can introduce one of it’s main plot points for the season – that Apollo and Kenya will have a flirtation. Kenya thinks Apollo is “kwinda fwiiiine” and immediately puts on her Miss Flirts with Your Husband U.S.A. sash and crown. Phaedra, in a post-scene interview, advises Kenya to “pop her breaks” on the inappropriate behavior with her husband.

Honestly would any woman be foolish enough to cross Phaedra? It does seem like Walter and Kenya have absolutely no sexual chemistry, so maybe Kenya is feeling a bit desperate for some male attention. I don’t for a moment think that Walter is the one to blame for this. Did you take note of Kenya’s psychotic laughter while driving her go-cart? You know that crazy-eyed behavior wasn’t just the go-cart ride, right?

Cynthia and Peter host NeNe and Gregg at their house to have some wine and talk about an upcoming trip to Anguilla for all of the ladies and their significant others. Cynthia tells the camera that she and the ladies had such a great trip to South Africa last season that they decided to make going on vacation together a yearly event. And yes, she actually said it with a straight face.

When it’s mentionedthat Kim and Kroy will also be invited to the island, NeNe frowns into her Moscato. But Cynthia’s trip to the kitchen to refill everyone’s glasses gives Peter a chance to talk to NeNe about surprising Cynthia with a renewal of their marriage vows on the beach in Anguilla. A ceremony that will be free of a Malorie meltdown but will surely (hopefully) be tainted by other Housewife dramas.

Porsha and her husband Kordell go to see the baby doctor about starting their own family. After an unsuccessful pregnancy a few months prior, they’re anxious to give it another try. After all, Porsha wants to have two girls and two boys of her own, preferably in sets of twins. While her doctor advises Porsha to plan to take pregnancy one baby at a time, Porsha seems convinced that eating yams would surely make her more fertile. Maybe she’s taken some pages out of Phaedra’s fabulously silly book of pregnancy tall tales.

After a scene in which we see Kandi and Cynthia meet up to eat crab cakes, talk about the size of their booties and talk about the trip to Anguilla – using the word “vacay” often enough to warrant a drinking game – Cynthia and NeNe go to see Porsha about helping with her grandfather’s foundation, Hosea Feed the Hungry. Porsha wants to feed the hungry “265 days a year,” and then I guess the hungry are on their own. Porsha then asks NeNe and Cynthia to be in a PSA for the foundation and then offers the ladies champagne, toasting to the PSA and giving back . . . by shooting a PSA . . . and feeding the hungry 265 days a year.

Porsha brings up her conflict with Kenya and Kenya’s poor behavior at her fundraising event, validating for Cynthia that Kenya is crazy and she, Cynthia, is not. NeNe thinks that Porsha is the kind of girl she could “kick-it” with. And then perhaps, they can all kick Kenya to the curb.

Kandi and Phaedra get together at Boxwoods Gardens and Gifts for some shopping and Bedroom Kandi product testing. Kandi wants Phaedra to try her Kegel balls, while Phaedra just wants one of Kandi’s penis rings. I think I need to drink more before I write these recaps.

The trip to Anguilla comes up, just in case the audience has not yet gotten the message that THE LADIES ARE GOING TO ANGUILLA. Hey, I’m all for the trip, especially if Atlanta’s housewives can create half the drama the New York Housewives had when they went to the beach this last season. Let’s bring it. Let’s just cease with boring pre-trip episodes where everyone pretends to meet up to talk about the trip like it’s not on their cast call-sheet.

Later, all of the ladies, and Phaedra’s church hat, meet at Fritti in Inman Park for brunch. Phaedra and Cynthia arrive early, with Cynthia ready to have it out with Phaedra about her butt-dialing trash-talk. Phaedra heads off the altercation by presenting Cynthia with a gigantic flower arrangement worthy of a Tall and by offering an apology for her behavior. Luckily Cynthia accepted Phaedra’s apology and the flower arrangement was able to find it’s own table.

Kandi and NeNe join the group, as does Kenya, who has been invited on the Anguilla trip by Kandi, much to Cynthia’s dismay. Kenya asks Cynthia if she’s invited along and if not can she go ahead and invite herself? Cynthia doesn’t say “yes” and she doesn’t say “no” but instead masterfully pleads the fifth.

Kim finally arrives at the restaurant – they do serve pizza after all – and we learn that the ladies are expediting their trip to Anguilla in the hope that Kim will be able to make it, despite her pregnancy. Kim says she’s been to Anguilla before, so she’d really like to go if her due date isn’t moved up again, if it’s okay with her OBGYN, if her husband isn’t at training camp and can go, she’s 28 weeks pregnant, she’s 30, 31, 32 weeks pregnant, she’s 8 months pregnant, she’s got 8 weeks to go in her pregnancy, the trip sounds great but too bad it’s not to Florida, it’s international so she just can’t go, she’s got another trip planned at the same time anyway. What a CLASSIC circle jerk of a conversation! Thank you Kim!

The ladies then accuse Kim of not having time for her castmates girlfriends anymore.  Kim admits that she doesn’t, especially when she’s got her own castmates family at home. Kim then storms out, seemingly walking off the show for good – not to mention getting hostile with her camera crew. Guess the ratings for Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding had come in, and Kim knew she’d score another season. And at Atlanta INtown, we have it on good authority that the second-season of Kim’s show is already in production.  And also that Kim always treats her camera crews that way.  More on that little drama next week.