Real Housewives of Atlanta: Hang on to your weaves

By Sandy M. Tyler

Happy Holidays, dear readers. For our second night of Hanukkah, we got the gift of six crazy “housewives” from the ATL in Anguilla, where we have been promised at least eight days worth of drama. But first, we bid good-bye to one of our original cast members, Kim Zolciak. Yeah, right. This is the same woman who once told the camera that she always knew she’d be famous and have her own show. Kim isn’t about to give up the spotlight; she just wants it a little more focused on her.

The episode began with last week’s ending scene. After taking a verbal beating from the other ladies about her lack of dedication to the show, Kim pretends to walk off. There’s even a dramatic scene on the street outside of the restaurant with Kroy and Kim pushing the Bravo cameras away. Let me repeat that – there’s a dramatic scene in the street with Kim AND Kroy, which means Kroy was waiting out in the car the entire time just to shoot this scene. I don’t mean to spoil our Housewife watching fun; I just wish Bravo would be a little more subtle with the set-up. You can bet Kim will return to Bravo soon in a second season of her spin-off, but I have to wonder how her exit will affect the original series? Will the show be as much fun to watch without the dynamic of this wig-wearing white member of the cast?

Cynthia and Peter waste no time filling the empty slot on the Anguilla trip by inviting Porsha and Kordell Stewart to tag along. Cynthia says something about normally not being okay with Peter inviting people they hardly know on a trip, but since Porsha is  not very fond of Kenya, Cynthia is happy to have the couple attend as her allies.

The ladies and their partners meet up at Hartsfield Airport for the trip to Anguilla with Porsha and Kordell meeting most of the ladies for the first time outside of baggage check. Kenya pretends to ignore Porsha while greeting the other ladies warmly and seemingly making no attempt to introduce Walter to the group.

Later, Kenya gets the party started in Anguilla  by taking over driving duties on the boat that transports the couples from the airport to the island. It was hilarious to see the ladies hang on to their drinks and hats and weaves while Kenya drove with as much speed as possible. I wouldn’t want that crazy person driving me for a minute, but I loved watching Kenya drive Miss Nene.

Upon their arrival, the couples tour their fabulous rental house and get some time to unpack in their master suites. Kenya is forced to make due with only a junior suite in paradise and no bathtub. I guess that’s what happens when you are crowned Miss USA instead of Miss America.

The other couples, many of who are on vacation from their children, seem determined to take advantage of the trip’s romantic possibilities. Peter wants Cynthia to make up for taking Noelle on their honeymoon, Nene wants to put Gregg in the mood, and Phaedra is determined to have some special time with Apollo as long as this does not involve putting her “honey pot” in a hot tub that other vaginas and penises have been in before. There will be no “bacterial vaginosis” for Phaedra. She even provides an official doctor’s excuse!

True to her stated purpose in life these days, Kenya’s main goal from the trip is to get engaged . . . to Walter . . . the man she seems to hardly know and has absolutely no romantic chemistry with. She drops hints on the plane, in the bus on the way to the villa and at any time she can get Walter’s attention. Okay, calling them hints is not really fair; it’s more of a demand for an engagement ring. And when Kenya isn’t asking Walter to propose and suggesting that they elope while in Anguilla, she’s flirting with every cute guy she comes across while Walter watches her.

Kenya even attempts to turn up the heat with Apollo, flirting with him and pushing him into the pool and later asking Phaedra which of her two friends she would “gift” to Apollo on his birthday. Luckily, Phaedra has such mad skills and such an awesome donkey booty she’s not afraid to show off in a revealing dress, that Kenya really poses no threat. Though Kenya does succeed in getting under Phaedra’s normally thick skin.

After a day of drinking and a cheeky dance performance by a local dance troupe – a.k.a “a cultural extravaganza” provided by Anguilla’s Minister of Tourism – all of the ladies perform their own bump and grind for and on their various men. I can’t imagine a situation when I would be bumping and grinding on a friend’s husband, but then again, I’m not paid to be on camera with them.

In general, this week’s episode seemed off to me and had a weird sense of timing. Is the reshuffling of the cast just before a major trip the problem, or is the idea of a couples’ trip a total snore? At least we’ve got Kenya in the middle of everything trying her hardest to keep things interesting, and it looks like next week Nene might get to perform the chokehold on Kenya that she so richly deserves. What did you think viewers? Is the trip to Anguilla the gift that keeps on giving, or are we just going to spend our time missing Kim?