Real Housewives of Atlanta: Check and Checkmate

By Sandy M. Tyler

Welcome back from the break viewers! Last week the Real Housewives of Atlanta was a repeat because Kenya had that concert over on CBS in between halves of The Super Bowl. Or at least it was someone who looked just like her, except without the ashy feet, right? Everyone ready with their sparkly headbands and butt pads? Here we go.

Kandi and Phaedra, who live close to each other after Kandi’s move, meet up at Kandi’s house to go over the drama of Kenya’s appearance at the Shoe Dazzle party. Kandi felt like Kenya really got under Phaedra’s skin. Phaedra says that she actually thinks Kenya is obsessed with her and wants to be just like her, and that’s why she acts out the way she does. And with a Home Depot Booty, Kenya is really no competition for the real thing and nothing Phaedra is going to sweat.

There’s even more drama in Kenya’s world after last week’s outrageous behavior and Victoria’s Secret Free-Coupon-Panties. This week we find Kenya at her doctor’s office getting a biopsy of lumps found in her breasts during her annual mammogram. There is probably not one woman watching Real Housewives who hasn’t been touched by breast cancer in some way, so let’s just hope that Kenya allowing this storyline to be included in the season is more than just a ploy for camera time.

Later, Kenya gets the news that no cancer cells were found in her breast tissue and that as long as she follows up with additional tests and cuts down on her stress, she should be okay. Kenya, always playing her part, equates her extreme stress to her fake boyfriend break-up, and says she needs to focus on herself instead of worrying about getting married. She says she feels blessed.

This week, we see Porsha planning and hosting her husband’s Harlem Renaissance themed 40^th birthday party. As usual with Porsha it seems like a great opportunity to buy a sparkly new dress, or 10, and delegate the actual party planning to someone else. Of course, wouldn’t we all like to host a party and instead of cleaning the house and cooking the food, only have to show up and be pretty? Unfortunately it seems that when you play the role of a Barbie Doll, you have to follow a lot of rules. And the 1920s party theme goes well with the antiquated rules in the Stewart household.

Cynthia, her tiara and her “Bailey Boys”, have to meet up with Porsha to discuss details of the upcoming pageant at the Bailey Agency office instead of at Porsha’s house because Porsha can’t host “strangers” at her home when her husband is out of town. Cynthia and her boys look at this as an enormous diss. I’m not really sure why their feelings are so hurt about the meeting location just as I’m not sure why a grown woman can’t have men over who don’t exactly seem like a threat to her marriage. But I do know that it wasn’t at all necessary for Cynthia’s assistant Carlton to lay down even more rules for Porsha’s behavior. I guess none of Atlanta’s Housewives, or their sidekicks, will be Miss Congeniality winners any time soon.

With Cynthia’s pageant only 2 weeks away, she doesn’t want to take any chances with the planning and intends to stay on task. This is understandable, but Porsha, who is providing the pageant’s charity tie-in, has some other chores to delegate first, so she stops the meeting to take a call from her cleaning crew.

Later, Porsha tells her husband, Kordell, about her pageant planning meet-up with Cynthia and the drama involved, and Kordell advises Porsha to “check” Cynthia on that as soon as possible. When Porsha meets up with Cynthia to “check” her over drinks, Cynthia turns the tables by firing Porsha and her charity from the pageant. Cynthia’s got a lot to do and Porsha can’t even follow through with her foundation’s logo. (Another task Porsha delegated to someone else.) Checkmate, Cynthia.

In Kandi’s world, it’s been all about home, family and love, and now it’s time to get back to business and stack up some more of that cash. Don Juan advises her to focus on making music, not babies, and Kandi promises that any weight gain is Sunday Dinners with her new family and not an unplanned pregnancy. Not that it’s really any of Don Juan’s business if she wants to expand her family along with her recording career.

Later we see Kandi go to the studio to start working on new music, and because she wants to do something “out of the box”, Kandi thinks she should record a gospel EP and has already started working on a track called Prayed Up. She’s even contacted well-known gospel artist Marvin Sapp, who has agreed to work with her on the recording. As usual, it’s fun to watch Kandi’s creative process with her producers.  Though I do have to wonder viewers if there will be a cross promotional tie-in. Do we get an MP3 download of Prayed Up if we buy the Happiness & Joy “personal massager” from the Bedroom Kandi collection? Aren’t both meant to make us scream out, “Hallelujah!”?

The night of Kordell’s 40^th birthday party arrives, and as Porsha puts it everyone has their “long cigars and cabarets”(?!), Kandi and Todd are in attendance, and even though Porsha was “pre-turd” with Cynthia over releasing her from her pageant planning duties, Peter and Cynthia are invited as well. (And, two-snaps, shut it down with their party outfits, by the way.)

Kenya is purposely left off of the party guest list, but her former “boyfriend” Walter is not, and he shows up to hang with the guys and discuss his recent break-up with Peter and Kordell. It seems like Peter and Walter have struck up a relationship that is far more genuine than the one Walter shared with Kenya this season.

Later, Kordell sits down with Cynthia and Peter to make sure Cynthia and Porsha have worked out their differences. He advises Cynthia to “keep steady” when dealing with his wife and not get caught up in the matrix of he said/she say. Cynthia thinks Kordell needs to let Porsha fight her own battles. And I would guess also choose who she invites to her own home.

Don’t you love it when a new househusband thinks he can control how any of the Housewives relate to each other? Like any of us want the men to be in charge. Thanks for clearing the air Kordell. We’re sorry the ladies “get on your damn nerves,” now check out.