By Tim Sullivan
Beach trips with kids: is it a vacation or just a change of location? After driving umpteen hours and spending thousands of dollars on a rental house for a week away with extended family one hopes for the former. Ours actually went pretty well this year, so I wrote a few notes to myself that I’ll share with you. Like sunscreen, apply liberally.
Packing is a tedious slog not meant for those with a weak constitution. When Kristen starts a week early with the assembling of piles of beach towels and bags of sunscreen like a humorless drone just hold your tongue, mister. Don’t even think about uttering the word “relax.” Are you going to handle this detail? No, you are not. If tasked with packing their own suitcases your kids would bring a pillow pet and their favorite bag of rocks. So stay out of her way and be thankful. Your mission will be to play a game of real-life Tetris filling the car with whatever she tells you to.
Bring your own puzzles and games. What if Shut The Box only has one die? What if the 1,000 piece puzzle with the quintessential 4th of July scene is shy three pieces? 49 cards in the deck? What then? The whole house will be depressed! Okay, maybe just you but better safe than sorry.
Bring teenagers. Yes, teenagers – nice, well-adjusted, not-surly teenagers like your nieces and nephews and little cousins. They round out the kids’ table and play soccer with the little ones. They know how to work the remote and can carry groceries. I like ‘em.
The king bed is fool’s gold. Master suites with gigantic beds might suggest that one week here and you will never be tired again, but it doesn’t work out that way. You and the wife are like sad apples resting atop a jelly-on-Wonderbread sandwich. Your kids spot the extra real estate and dive in, too. If you have sunburn anywhere on your body that will be the very spot that gets kicked most during the night. If there is a cot in the utility room, give it some consideration.
Golf. The only thing worse than not playing any golf on vacation is stuffing your clubs into the jam-packed car and then not playing. You will not be playing so don’t bother.
A politics-free vacation. No one wants to sour a family vacation with a political discussion gone awry. Kara (sister-in-law) inadvertently solved the problem with this gem: “Well, now that marriage is gay…” Not sure if she even finished the sentence because everyone within earshot exploded into laughter and poof – no more politics!
Grill tips. Check the grease pan first. Fire departments in beach towns are best seen at parades.
Forget relaxing at the pool. Kristen enters each vacation with the assumption that there will be four to five near-drowning incidents. And for reasons unknown, the kids act as if the pool is this fun place to play in and around. Your mistake of the past few years was you sought peaceful moments where none were to be had. This year you lifeguarded intently while accepting the incoming fire of super soakers and foam noodles. If you tire them out enough, they’ll zone out and watch Judge Judy with Uncle Bob.
Go during shark week. The Outer Banks was aflutter with shark mania and on the surface, that’s not good. But the kids never once asked to go to an amusement park or the movies or some 4,000-degree mini-golf place because the potential for a shark sighting was all the rage. A dolphin sighting is always fun, but a dolphin that for a split second might be a shark will bring out your inner Roy Scheider. Again, not that you want anyone to actually get bitten by a shark. That would be bad.
Tim Sullivan grew up in a large family in the Northeast and now lives with his small family in Oakhurst. He can be reached at tim@sullivanfinerugs.com
Very nice and, very funny.
Very nice and, very funny.