It’s horrific.
I’ve heard it’s proportional to the 9/11 attacks by a factor of 30. That’s inaccurate, but I understand the sentiment. Every Jewish family in the world has lost someone or has friends who have. My girls’ camp counselor was at the rave. Two of her friends are missing and presumed abducted. Another friend lost her father. The daughter and son-in-law of a Brandeis professor were murdered at home while protecting their own children, saving them. My sister’s dear friend cannot find his niece; her home is burnt to ash. This list could go on and on. We all know someone.
And the babies. Dear god. How does anyone go on after that?
It’s hard to know just what our kids know. They are paying attention and reading news, sometimes on platforms unfamiliar to me. They trade information with camp friends and counselors. They are weepy at bedtime, and want to talk about the hostages. Did I know they were at a music festival? Was it like Music Midtown? Did I know Holocaust survivors were abducted? Did I know grandparents were targeted? And children too? Yes, I tell them. I know. I know all of this. We talk and talk. I keep myself bottled up, mostly. I keep our conversations sanitized. And they promise over and over not to watch any videos. I wake up early in the mornings and sob.
Our Trauma
I keep asking what they hear at their progressive independent prep school. Did your principal bring this up at Morning Meeting? Did your DEI counselor address this? No, and no. Our people are butchered, and no one speaks to it? One thousand Jews were murdered in a morning and our school – our beloved community – does not think students may space to grieve? At least an acknowledgement? I think about witness trips to the border in support of Latino families. I think about organizing in support of our African-American friends. I think about communal responses to the local Asian-American killings. I think about our school’s DEI curriculum. I think about our ethical curriculum. I don’t know if I’m seething or just sad.
My friends and I compare school response statements. We talk about non-Jewish friends who have reached out. We are so very grateful; they have no idea how much we appreciate it. We know it’s hard for them to understand, and really, how could they?
Their media feeds are not filled with bodies dragged through streets; parents murdered in front of children, the elderly dumped into the back of pickup trucks, the celebrating crowds filming it all. They don’t see endless posts and reposts of the missing, feared dead or taken hostage in Gaza to be tortured and paraded in the streets.
The posts from desperate parents: have you seen my children? Please call this number. Please. My Jewish friends are awash in videos and live streams of armed gunmen slaughtering parents in front of their children. My non-Jewish friends are not. They have not heard about houses set afire to burn families alive. But we have. And we are traumatized.
The Obvious
This is only going to get worse. Does anyone think Hamas’ barbaric massacre will free Palestine? Of course not. Does anyone think Israel’s response will secure Israel’s borders? Of course not. This weekend’s horrors demonstrate the failure of containment, of off-and-on war with Gaza. I worry we are all just pawns of Iran. Or maybe of Bibi. Isn’t Israel supposed to be smarter than this? I hope and pray there is a plan we don’t know about. I hope and pray Israel is freeing the hostages. I’m sure we’ll hear about secret missions and miraculous endings. This thinking leads nowhere.
Instead I ruminate. What if Israel had asked Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Jordan, the UAE to come to Tel Aviv on Monday morning? What if Israel used international sympathy – the tiny bit of goodwill we will have only momentarily – to bring Arab powers to Israel for a public conversation about Hamas’ brutality, Israel’s security, the return of hostages? What if Egypt could be shamed into opening its border with Gaza?
Those thoughts are laughable. Israel will carpet bomb them. Hundreds of thousands of Palestinians will suffer — there will be more terrorism – and violence will beget violence. Am I supposed to cheer for death and destruction? I cannot. I attend the community rally for Israel on Tuesday night. All references to Israel doing ‘what it must’ receive a standing ovation. Governments lie to us for all sorts of reasons, but I will not lie for them. More cycles of violence isn’t going to keep anyone safe. It’s going to do the opposite. What exactly is the end game here? I stay seated while the crowds cheer. It’s too depressing to imagine how much worse this will get.
Dark Calculations
While we mourn, there are pro-Palestinian rallies across the country and on college campuses. I read about groups insisting Israel brought this brutality on itself; that occupation is a parallel to terrorism. They insist that occupation is the only context for Hamas’ attack — as if occupation itself has no context. There is no conversation about why Israel controls the Gaza borders. Nothing – not the war, the terrorism, the occupation, the establishment of the state — exists without context. Are we really arguing this?
Intellectualizing helps for a bit, until my daughter asks about Israel’s strategies. Will the hostages be left in order to save the rest of Israel? Oh god, I hope not. She grabs a pencil. What are the percentages of population killed in Israel and in Gaza? She’s making dark calculations. Is she considering acceptable limits of killing? She asks if Israel’s security measure will lead to more antisemitism here. These measures will probably lead to more antisemitism, I tell her, but probably not more security.
She thinks about that. It’s bedtime, and we only speak for a few more minutes. Does she know that antisemitism is already on the rise? Yes. Our children know about the Proud Boys and Neo Nazis. They know the Jewish community needs security 24/7 at synagogues and schools and JCCs. Do they know Jewish schools conduct bomb sweeps? That synagogues receive bomb threats? I’m not sure.
Her questions make me wonder about other communities. Do the Muslim student groups target the Chinese community to protest the treatment of Uyghers? Do the Proud Boys target Ukrainian churches to show their love for Russia?
Are we the only people under threat from both the left and the right?
The Kids are Alright (I hope)
The kids understand more than we realize. They see our grieving. They know this past weekend has surfaced a pain we recognize, passed down from generations. I’m not sure how to teach my girls about all of this.
My daughter needs to go to sleep, and any more conversation needs to wait. We are leaving tomorrow for fall break. She asks one final question as we kiss goodnight: Can we go to synagogue while we’re away? We need to say Kaddish. She’s right; we do.