I generally pride myself on being a laid-back person. So it surprises many people that I actually, very much, do not like being told what to do.
Is this the middle child in me? My siblings might say yes. But who doesn’t want agency over their own lives?
This is one of the biggest challenges seniors face as they start to age, that slowly, the world begins to make assumptions, and then very quickly, makes decisions for them.
Some of this stems from the healthcare system and filters down to the families. I’m certain I’ve been guilty of making assumptions about older people myself. And yes, certain decisions must be made by families in order to ensure their loved ones remain healthy and safe.
But mostly, older people are adults and deserve to be treated as such. They deserve to socialize, and have hobbies, entertain friends, and even have a drink at the end of the day, gosh darnit!
What I find that people don’t understand is that not only should seniors be able to do what they want, but that if they figure out the optimal living solution, they totally can do what they want!
A large part of the problem is the lack of education around the options available, especially here in the Atlanta area. No longer are seniors cast out to wither away in the nursing homes of their grandparents’ day; rather, there are some wonderful communities allowing people to thrive in a brand new chapter of life.
Recently, I was working with a client who kept telling me it was time to move into a senior community, but wouldn’t set the plan in motion. I couldn’t understand why.
On a follow up, she finally gathered the courage to ask the question she’d been holding in. “Am I allowed to bring my dog?”, she asked tearfully.
With a huge sigh of relief, I told her that of course she could, this is your home! My client is moving in next week.
In many ways, this infantilization of seniors is the final step in a long process that culminates in decisions being made for people because there are no other options available.
But much of that can be mitigated by making decisions earlier in the process. If you already live in a community that ages with you, many potential health related pitfalls (and literal falls) are less likely to happen at all.
With the right infrastructure in place to help you stay healthy, social, in a community that lets you live the life you choose, you still get to be you. You’re an adult – you should be allowed guests to stay overnight in your own home, you should be served wine with dinner when you want, you should be able to keep your furry companion.
Seeing the roadmap laid out clearly is the best tool we have to retain our identity as we navigate aging with grace, and let you be you.
Any questions on the communities that help us do that best? I’m always around. Just don’t tell me what to do!
