This week’s episode begins with Kim and Cynthia who have called their own meeting at Brookwood Grill in Roswell to talk through their issues and discuss a peace treaty. Characteristic of this fractured cast, they each phone a housewife friend for moral support and some pointers on the way. Uncharacteristically for this cast of expert neck-rollers, their meeting is quiet, calm and even respectful. Despite a couple of seasons together, Kim and Cynthia have spent very little time with each other and don’t know each other well. Neither one of these ladies ever hesitates to speak her mind and for once that works in their favor, since they manage to resolve things – and put the fabled black baby drama to bed – before Kim’s onion rings even get soggy. At least their make-up hug was awesomely awkward as, we think, would be a double-date between the two and their male partners, but stranger things have happened on this show.
Strange like NeNe heading to Los Angeles in search of her own Oscar moment. According to NeNe, she’s been acting for years. Hmmmmm. On which of her reality shows would that be? Real Housewives or Celebrity Apprentice or maybe Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live on which she always tries to act so demure? Has she been pretending to be a “Celebrity” or a “Housewife” for the last several years? At least her hotel room isn’t as small as her assistant Andre’s, and she’s got a meeting with the creators of Glee scheduled during her trip. (On which, we must admit, she has had a very successful run this year.)
Later NeNe shows you can take the Housewife out of Atlanta, but you can’t take Atlanta out of the Housewife when she orders “sweet white wine” at a restaurant in Beverly Hills. NeNe also very conveniently runs into “good friends” Paul Harvey and Keshia Knight Pulliam. We have no doubt that NeNe is a fun addition to the celebrity scene in Atlanta, so her friendliness with both is probably not to be attributed to her acting skills. And even though NeNe is ready to move Brentt with her to the greener pastures of Hollywood, both Paul and Keshia offer her some sage advice – keep your home base in Atlanta which is not nearly as much of a fake city as LA. Or at least give up the sweet wine for Red Bull and vodka if you want to fit in with the locals.
Okay, Kim’s family is going to have to get a LOT better at their acting if Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding is going to be a success. Kroy goes to visit Kim’s dad Joe to let him know that he intends to ask Kim to marry him and wants Joe’s blessing. (Spray can, jean shorts and all.) Joe, to his credit, takes a moment to ask Kroy some pointed questions such as: Are you committed (to a spin-off show)? Through health, sickness and a lot of other things will you continue (to tape the spin-off show)? Is this a lifetime commitment (to a spin-off show)? He’s met Kroy’s family and they’re great people (for the spin-off show). Joe then calls Kim’s mom Karen to tell her the news, and true to reality show scenes that serve to set up a spin-off show, she doesn’t seem at all surprised. Kroy and Joe part somewhat awkwardly. Hopefully, Arianna can teach the two to fist-bump in the near future.
Many months after another awkward exchange at a Midtown bar, Kandi has a follow-up meeting with the OhMiBod team to discuss the final designs for her line of sex toys. We have to admit that the toys, designed to look like make-up, are cute. What wasn’t so cute is that this is Spring Break week, so your bloggers got listen to Kandi wax on about “your man” using the toys on you while he takes you from behind with one set of our parents in the room watching us blog. (Technology on the bottom, Mom, and glory on the top, Dad.) Now that they know what we do on Sunday nights, they probably regret paying for college.
Too bad they didn’t have the option to send us to the Cynthia Bailey School of Fashion, but then again Cynthia is just now getting ready, in this the penultimate episode, for her first big model search since opening her doors. Peter stops by to see how his wife is faring since Malorie took a “voluntary leave of absence.” Cynthia is ready for the agency to blow up, and hopes to find 20 girls at the event, or at least one good possibility. Peter wants to make sure she’s paying attention to fire codes and not overcrowding her space. They both hope she can make enough to cover the rent, and prove to the naysayers that she’s more than just a pretty face. We hope she can find some new faces just as pretty.
Phaedra makes up her pretty face and heads to Willie Watkins Funeral Home for more on-the-job training. Joslyn, the funeral director, greets her at the door and tells her that they’ll be meeting a family to make arrangements for their recently deceased relative. Inside her head, you know Phaedra whispered, “YES, finally!” and jumped up and down like she won the Mega Millions, but outside Phaedra shows her calm, collected, natural sales ability. Not to mention, her passion for selling big-ticket items, even when the deceased came from humble means. After she presents the family with a $14K total bill, everyone starts giggling … because they’ve just punked her! How awesome. The grieving family members were actually undercover staffers meant to test and rate Phaedra’s performance. No surprise, just like the overachiever Phaedra is, she receives all A’s, with shout outs for sympathy and understanding. We give her an overall A+ for her excitement for the funeral arts, even though she won’t be able to put the “boom in the tomb” with her programs and embellishments just yet.
Speaking of Willie Watkins, he was the reason the housewives turned up in the unlikeliest of places: City Hall! Though not the most glamorous of party locations, Phaedra invites all the housewives for a ceremony honoring Willie Watkins and a big announcement. Surprisingly, all of them actually show up looking ready for a red carpet, only to realize there’s just a little black carpet and it’s under the metal detector by the front door. The housewives have to sit through an extremely long and extremely boring ceremony complete with a too-long list of speakers, just like they’re at a city council meeting. And just like a lot of politicians, some of them couldn’t sit still, didn’t want to listen and couldn’t make sense of things. If you waste your hoochie-mama dress on an event in the City Hall atrium, you’ve got a good reason to be a little surly, but don’t snark so close to the honoree, especially when he’s sitting at the next table.
Never one to bow to social graces, or it seems to the preferable dress-code, Kim takes a break from things with Shereé, so she can invite Shereé to be on her next show…ummm… share some good news. Kroy has finally popped the question and the ring is eye-popping! (Poor Shereé went big jewelry shopping with the wrong guy last week.) The two make it back through security and into the ceremony just in time for the grand finale, Phaedra’s announcement that she and Willie Watkins are going into business together. They’re going to “bury a lot of people and give them funerals worth dying for.” Could this be another spin-off opportunity?
Did you hear us shooting off fireworks of excitement last night? Lately, we’ve been dying for the end of this drawn-out season, and Bravo finally announced that next week is it. We share the same enthusiasm for Atlanta’s Housewives and the show as most regular viewers, but we should all agree that the season finale is about 6 weeks overdue. Bravo definitely loves the ratings the Atlanta show brings in, but hopefully Andy Cohen learned he shouldn’t air more of the ladies’ day-to-day lives unless it’s quality programming. Without any major blow-ups or knock down drag outs to entertain us, this season has proven week over tedious week that more episodes equals less interest in tuning in. And in the long run that means fewer and fewer viewers. Believe us, Andy Cohen, when your bloggers are ready to jump ship, you’ve taken them too far out to sea.
Collin Kelley has been the editor of Atlanta Intown for two decades and has been a journalist and freelance writer for 35 years. He’s also an award-winning poet and novelist.
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