Real Housewives of Atlanta: Beach blanket oh no!

By Sandy M. Tyler

This week, before beginning our Christmas celebrations with friends and family, we must pause as the Real Housewives of Atlanta wrap up their trip to Anguilla. I’d like to say there were a lot of crazy antics, but it was more about creating artificial drama for the Bravo cameras, don’t you all think?

So last week, Kenya was all “Tay Ina Win Fabulous!” after Porsha Stewart was all, “You’re so old and nobody cares what your title was 55 years ago.” So this week’s episode began with the booty end of that fight and Kenya’s exit from the scene. The other ladies stay behind to finish dishing over the drama. Phaedra says she knows the other side of Kenya and has never seen this person – guess the Kenya who hits on Apollo isn’t such a problem. Cynthia and Porsha are glad that Kenya showed her true and very dramatic colors to the rest of the ladies, and Nene’s just seems relieved to be out of the fray for once.

Kandi, who missed all of the drama, gets the 411 from Nene the next morning while hanging out with her boyfriend Todd in their room. (And in a horrible pink, net top. It pains me to say it, but it was ghetto to the 10th power, girl.) Nene takes the opportunity to clear the air with Kandi. She wants to put all of their past misunderstandings and tension aside and be better friends. I don’t know what is up with Nene this season, but if this is the result of some St. John’s Wort, I’m thinking about giving it a try.

The entire group gets ready to head out for lunch and a day at the beach, but before they can leave for the outing, Kenya calls the ladies to the side to clear the air. While she fake apologizes to Porsha and the others, which involves not letting Porsha get a word in edgewise, Peter and the guys try to wait patiently in the bus. They know they have a competitive group of women on their hands and perhaps all of the eyelash glue is making everyone a little crazy.

Eventually, the couples make it to what should be a delightful lunch on the beach. Kenya follows up her recent non-apologies with a special “gift” for Cynthia – an autographed copy of Vanessa Williams’ new book. It’s not so much that Kenya is giving Cynthia something to read as much as she’s reading Cynthia about not knowing which came first: Miss America Vanessa Williams or Miss USA Kenya Moore. Kenya is a part of history, don’t ya know, just like Barack Obama. She’s Detroit Barbie, or perhaps we should make that the Wicked Witch of the Southeast. We may see Nene attempt to ride a horse while at the beach, but that hilarious moment is overshadowed by Kenya beating a dead one with Cynthia about their recent past. Kenya is a woman determined to get as much camera time as possible, I guess.

Even more tired is that Kenya tries to keep up the ridiculous façade that she and Walter are going to get engaged on the trip and quickly married. Even if Walter hadn’t already exposed the fakeness of their relationship on V-103 recently, Kenya’s t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e “acting” along with some of the most awkward body-language ever seen between a couple continues to give it away.

Later at a romantic dinner for all of the couples, Peter politely toasts the group but also says that at first he didn’t believe that Kenya and Walter were in a real relationship. He does now think that Walter is a stand-up guy, and the pressure seems to be on for an engagement if it’s going to happen in Anguilla. Kenya tries to keep up appearances by asking the other couples how they got engaged, but she eventually storms off, seemingly hurt that she and Walter are not in the same romantic place . . . or planet . . . or universe.

Kenya tells Walter that she doesn’t understand why he’s holding back after their beautiful discussion about an elopement just days before. Unfortunately, it’s not enough days before to give the audience a chance to forget how that conversation went, which was absolutely nowhere near a wedding aisle. Walter looked more inclined to drown himself in the ocean than buy a ring, and if this storyline continues much longer, I’m inclined to do the same. Ugh. It’s too bad when real-life gets ahead of a Housewife “reality” plotline isn’t it? Later, Phaedra has some great advice for Kenya on marriage,  relationships and men. Too bad Kenya doesn’t deserve it, nor will she ever win an Emmy for her performance.

All in all, I’d say the best thing about this episode was Cynthia’s caftan. I wonder if it’s too late to ask Santa for one. What do you think readers? Can we stomach another several months of the Kenya/Walter faux romance? Do you and your friends do booty exercises on the beach? If anyone gets the Donkey Booty Workout video for Christmas, let us know if it’s working, and we’ll be back next week.