Real Housewives of Atlanta: Battle of the Booty

By Sandy M. Tyler

This week’s episode is all about the “booty” – who has the best one and who is going to make a video about working out for a better one. In other words, who has got enough back to make the most bank. All of this stems from Kenya and Phaedra’s falling out over Kenya’s fees for producing Phaedra and Apollo’s Donkey Booty workout video. Seems Kenya wanted way more backend than Phaedra was willing to give. And we all know how much drama happens when Kenya doesn’t get want she wants.

The episode begins at the Bronner Brother’s Hair Show, an event on my personal bucket-list, where Cynthia is serving as a judge and Kenya is just there to get attention. The girls and their best gays – Derek J and Miss Lawrence – spend some time making nice with each other and making digs about Phaedra’s physique. (Way to support your fellow sisters, ladies.) The group, which eventually includes Peter, decides that Cynthia has a Stallion Booty that is way better than a Donkey Booty, which immediately gives Kenya the idea to make her own workout video.

Fair warning readers, so you can get out now – with the exception of a brief scene with Nene and Gregg, GlamParents to adorable Bri’Asia, trying to put together a crib, the booty video wars are ALL that happened on this week’s episode. Grown-ass women go on and on about whose booty workout is too legit to quit.

Kandi goes to Derek J’s salon for a weave touch-up, and he tells her all about Kenya’s plan to usurp Phaedra’s video idea with one of her own. Kandi calls Phaedra, so both she and Derek J can clue Phaedra in on all of the drama. They all agree that if they’re not careful, Kenya will “bootleg” all of their good ideas and that there could be Bedroom Kenya coming to a website near you if they don’t keep her in check. Phaedra also drops the best catty line of the night when she says Kenya has no business making a workout video with her “Six Flags Scream Machine booty full of bumps and lumps.”

Later, Kenya takes Kandi to meet her production designer for some design help with decorating daughter Riley’s new bedroom. This really just seems like an opportunity for Kandi and Kenya to have a lengthy conversation, in front of a prop of a giant butt that has been wheeled out and lit for the occasion, about how Kenya had worked so long and hard on Phaedra’s Donkey Booty video that she would be crazy to not take advantage of the distribution deal she set-up and create a video of her own.  Kandi calls Kenya out on stealing Phaedra’s idea, making Kenya literally “hot and bothered” at the accusation. And in the middle of all of the booty talk is one confused and very bored white man, who is smart enough to excuse himself.

We see Apollo and Phaedra go to the offices of Watch It Now Entertainment to have a meeting about the production of their Donkey Booty video. Watch It Now Entertainment actually is a legitimate production company, having produced work-out videos for Brooke Burke, Kim Kardashian, Billy Blanks and even Phaedra’s “good friend” Jane Fonda. And after being treated to Phaedra and Apollo’s own special brand of quirky behavior and sexual innuendo, the producers agree that the project should indeed move forward.

Back in the Atlanta suburbs, Porsha decides to take advantage of Phaedra’s falling out with Kenya to form a closer bond with Phaedra who can offer her some advice on having it all – career, marriage and motherhood. Both ladies admit that marriage is hard, which leads to a discussion of Kenya’s attempts at fake marriage and how she keeps burning all of her housewife bridges. Porsha is glad that she and Phaedra can be friends now that Kenya has shown her true colors, and Phaedra admits that Kenya is the “Devil’s little sistah.”

We also get to see Cynthia do some work with her modeling agency this week by helping to cast and put on a children’s fashion show to raise money for HIV awareness. But despite a parade of really cute kids who seem to know how to “WERQ” like Little Nenes and Little Cynthias, it’s really just another setting for the ladies to grouse at each other about which booty video is the better idea and who has the right to produce one after Kenya admits to Phaedra’s face that she’s stealing her plans.

Of course, there is no argument that Phaedra was wrong to think that her “friends” should work on her moneymaking side projects for free. And there is no argument that Kenya is playing the copycat only to cause drama with Phaedra.  And there is also no argument that if I were taking a drink whenever the words “booty”, “donkey” or “stallion” was said, I never would have finished this recap. Luckily, I had a Peanut M&M each time instead, so all I have now is a sugar hangover. (And probably a bigger booty of my own.)

If you look both workout videos up on Amazon, only Phaedra’s is available for order now. I just hope Phaedra didn’t use Kenya’s Gone with the Wind Fabulous for background music because it makes LuAnn de Lesseps Money Can’t Buy You Class sound like a masterpiece. You do have to admire all of the housewives for getting paid, even if they don’t have to work very hard for the money.