By Brigette Flood and Sandy M. Tyler
Kicking off this week’s episode, Kim visits a choreographer to prepare for performances during her upcoming bus-tour with Kandi. Kim is thinking about her continuing quest for musical stardom, but what IS Kandi thinking? Despite Kim’s claims that she has 16 years of dance experience, she has a hard time with even the simplest moves. Walking and chewing gum is probably difficult for her, too. Ever the narcissist, Kim’s more interested in her reflection and wig to pay much attention to her well-meaning instructor and assistant.
Practicing is overrated? All work and no play always seem to make Kim feel like a dull girl, and she’s quickly over it. Plus, according to Kim, when she gets on stage, she goes into a zone, so she doesn’t really need the help. Less like a zone and more like zoning out, but here is betting her performances keep providing plenty of fodder.
Shereé continues to work on her acting “craft” and decides to accept a small, unpaid role in a local, independent production of Child Support Man and also gets a call from the owner of The People Store who has decided to represent her. She manages to muster up more enthusiasm for these opportunities this week, and is also sure to line up Lawrence to do her hair for her unpaid gig, probably as part of her “preparation”. Delusion seems to be the name of the game this week, with Shereé wanting to show her friends and agent that her presence draws crowds.
Though we didn’t get to see much of the play, which was performed at The Soul Factory Theater, it was heartening to see a crowd lining up for seats for the new production. The attitudes of the housewives in attendance, however, were not as encouraging. They seemed bored, played with their phones, and Cynthia even made a cheap shot about the Chitlin Circuit being a long way from Broadway. Even a lack of support for Shereé’s performance doesn’t explain the callous attitudes. The housewives, who understand more than anyone that all the world’s a stage, could have shown a little more respect for the other performers and talented people behind the scenes.
Dwight, dressed up like Willy Wonka, goes to Phaedra’s house to meet baby Ayden and catch up with the new mom. Talk quickly moves to the other housewives and Dwight stirs the pot, telling Phaedra about the gossip over her baby’s due date and erroneously attributing some of Kim’s comments to Cynthia. Escandalo! When Cynthia and Phaedra run into each other later in the episode, Phaedra conveniently deflects further questions about her delivery date by accusing Cynthia of making disparaging remarks about her son. Cynthia tells Phaedra to check her sources, but decides not to call Kim out on her remarks … for now. Really all Phaedra’s got to check is the tape. It’s all there, thanks to Bravo.
We cut back to Kim because there’s a lot of irony unfolding like an old Pizza Hut napkin at her house when she hosts a physical improvement treatment for the ladies. We see only Kim take advantage of the “science” involved in red laser removal of cellulite. During the procedure, Kim is able to a) show off her body in a bikini while b) she eats a pizza. This is such a perfectly ridiculous illustration of Kim and the women in all of the Housewives shows in general. When in doubt, invite the “experts” over for a lazy fix. Can that laser contraption be for real? If it is, we’d like our editor to buy us some sessions for Christmas. And were those disco lights moving along Kim’s body or is Bravo doing a cross-promotion with TRON? We love and appreciate science but don’t quite believe the assertion that a red light laser “makes the fat leak out of the cells.” First off, gross. And second, chicanery.
While at Kim’s house, Cynthia apologizes to NeNe for her lack of contact over the past few weeks and proposes a “friend contract” to NeNe. Like, literally a paper contract. We hadn’t been reminded of them since elementary school either. It involves answers that include, “yes, no and maybe.” And as awkward as it sounds – and is – it’s also really sweet. Cynthia clearly has commitment issues, just ask Peter or any of her other ex-fiancées. So maybe this is a cheeky way of highlighting and moving past them.
Unfortunately, NeNe checks the YES box on Cynthia’s contract. While NeNe acts like a friend in front of Cynthia, she gabs and laughs about the contract later with Kim. Sometimes, it’s hard to decide if NeNe is a friend or just a mean girl. In this situation, we say mean girl and have noticed that NeNe and Kim are never closer than when they can be mean girls together. (Each with their own bottle of wine at lunch, no less.) Certainly, this is not our favorite NeNe character trait. NeNe and most housewives who understand the franchise know they can extend the buzz of a 20 second conversation into hours worth of drama, and most importantly, camera time. NeNe is doing just that, and sadly at Cynthia’s expense. First rule of Friendship Contract: do not make fun of Friendship Contract.
On the ok-we-understand side, NeNe is going through a time where her marriage contract has clearly been breached. And Cynthia is finally open enough to enter into a contract of her own with Peter. Both NeNe and Cynthia are experiencing big change, but in different directions. Maybe the 2nd rule of Friendship Contract will help: DO NOT make fun of Friendship Contract.
On Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live after show hosted by Andy Cohen, Anderson Cooper brings NeNe a friendship contract of his own. It’s silly … not to mention it’s a breach of the 5th rule of Friendship Contract: only one Friendship Contract at a time. But we’ll let Anderson slide, since it’s a sincere show of his appreciation for NeNe. Cynthia’s contract should be seen as just as complimentary. As in, they’re both her boo.